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Saturday, April 17, 2010

mEmoiRs oF a faShiOn poLicE ofFicer *part 1*

i wake up in the morning
& take that refreshing yawn

Brush my fine set of white teeth,
take a long shower

get dressed quickly,
but making sure everything goes
(its what i do for a living, who better to look out for these things?)

just before i step out,
i strap on my gadgets!

you're wondering what dey comprise of?
no real slUgs...just my objective sense of reasoning

& an eye for the crimes against fashion!

its burstling out there,
meant to be dangerous for me too

but unlike the real security forces,
i'm not conspicuously dressed!

ifeoma comes along,
one quick shot from me to her knee...*pow*
(those knees + legs, don't go with pedal pushers)

a slight graze to the shoulder,
the shades don't quite go but i could let her off on a lighter note....afterall she aint no pro

next in my line of sight is arabi,

'beach shorts & an office shoe, + a collar'd button down shirt.

*pOw* *pOw*
that's def 2 shots for ya!!
(sorry about the big toe, but i aint sorry about the knee)

i know, i knw
i shouldn't always be about violence
(dialogue is always known to work)

Walk up to Nnenna,
Asked her if she had a rough morn'n
(don't blame me, couldn't spell it right out)

skinniez & a high heeled pair of slipperz
(a no no!)

with a slim Tee.
i know normally that should go,
but you should have tried sneakers instead

a low waist jean & no ass,
what did you intend to expose??

Didi,
I'd give you a 2 ** commendation for them jeans,

the tank would have been anything but bad,
if it wasn't that perfectly slender body you got there

who'z the obnoxiously fat friend?

On sighting that really big belly
in a similar tank top,

i rush off to my car,
to get the gun wit the 2 bigGer nozzles

chk!!,.. chk! -.... poOWw!!
& there was a big hole right through the belly
(letn her go would have been signing up to live with that vision for the rest of my career)

no need returning the pump,
now i'm aware we have really daring offenderz roaming the streets!

you shouldn't be displaying yams in bum shortz,
the smaller nozzle dis time -->> *pOw*!

t-baba,
there'z a particular trend that goes with the waist coat & you aren't exactly living it!

sstzZ* sstzZ* 2 buzzes only

Adrian,
that's one folk who obviously got the memo.

A couple of shirts, teez & collar'd
nice jeans ...sneakers, plim solls*

not forgetn the good combo sense!

-->> that's 3 ***'z from me

Oge!
Who tagGed this classy chic with alansi jeans??

from my point of view naw,
i think its 'true religion' i see!

the maroon handbag & office shirt,
an obvious fit!

unlike vivian who i shot off a bike a couple of mins ago

you'd think it was independence day,
with too much of green & almost negligible white.

Owums,
you're still wanted for thOse granny pants oh!

i need to reload,
be back in a bit!

*o.tattler

Ck,
there's a difference between 'canz' like you call it & sneakers

yeah...sneakers are those you can wear with almost anything,
Airforce 1'z aren't the same thing

That's 2shotz,
i'm taking one leg off @ the knee (chk!! Chk!----poOWw!!)

EffizzY,
i'm most definitely spraying you!
(ra TA tA ta tA *chk!! Chk!----poOWw!!*//*chk!! Chk!----poOWw!!*)

you've been a very daring offender for a while now

We don't have bulky guys with boobs still forming gangster with bandanaz....Lol
(i'm not ready to spare a transgender)

37 comments:

N€¡GHBØR said...

skinny wiv a low-waist on is just plain 'daring'...WTF she must wanna show off ha 'skeletal structure'...bsidz dat tattler...e be lyk ur gossip gun bullet don finnish...spice up dis shit wiv som controversy...'true or untrue'...lolz

Anonymous said...

Lol...again and again!! I'm soo lurvn dis! Lol.....once more...actually I rly dnt knw some names uv mentioned...but sure this is one hella blog...u rock o'tattler...ride on joor!

#3 said...

Tattler, i di 20 much!
Ur creativity knows no limits. Ride on, u're d bomb.

#3 said...

Tattler, i di 20 much!
Ur creativity knows no limits. Ride on, u're d bomb.

Anonymous said...

lol

ngozi said...

init loads of people need help in d fashion department and dose trying to dress like dey in jand and dey sweating like ready to kill pigs!! ewww

ckice said...

?????????

T 4kn cure said...

pls tattler familiarize us more wit names lyk "Oge nd Dee" be nice, wouid u?.... pardon my lil knwin....,

ckice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ckice said...

ahh tattler u of all people should know a Nike air flights High tops not air force...no beef still a fan....

Bukki said...

Meka Ekpo,plz dnt be stupid.Wot C.K has is High-Tops & not sneakers/Canz.& obviously u'd neva afford High- Tops in ur life till u die. Dirty Asshole

BookieKoligs said...

whoever commented as me is stupid. arent u sick people tired of pointin in the wrong direction? otattler or watever u call urself,if only u knew half d problems u hav caused! anyway pls leave 'us' alone.like i care who wears what?! .....mschew

Ify nkato said...

Lol... I dey tells you.
This impersonation is getting too much. But it's fun. Except dat it shud make d impersonator feel lyk a liverless pig. Dat's one thing I wudn't reduce myself to. But any lowlife Who're interested can knock themselves tha Fck out

CK said...

Hey!i know a sneakers nigga.didnt expect dat.dats all d fuck u can say anyway.

Naijabioweapon said...

hey, Tattler I luv ur piece... Nyc way to start my day.

ckice said...

which CK.pls i really don't like this impersonation shit.

Anonymous said...

Shut up ck, u overfed baby.

Anonymous said...

which didi u dey talk self?

Anonymous said...

emeka ekpo....this is the last warning...ur over stepping ur boundaries again..what happened to u in pioneer is just the beginning..be warned!

Anonymous said...

Tattler, wat hapnd to meka ekpo in pioneer now,,,, spin d yarn

o.tattler said...

the gutted pig called her kid brother raymond & his group of hoodlums to come do her biddings

they couldn't lay a hand on him, they knew they were just acting based on hear say

Linda if you fill this is how best to go about things, get ready to call in your thugs for a thousand ppl

but i'm sure you'd never come close to me, ever
(think i should turn this into a post)

Anonymous said...

Chidiadi Nwamgborogu

o.tattler said...

who else still wanna take a swing @ me? i'm thinking of coming outta that anonymous cover soon

#3 said...

Pls otattler, defuse d 'meka & iheme suspicion because I know ppl Who're planning real evil for them.

Anonymous said...

I knw tattler is not namdy iheme...
Cos i knw Namdy iheme's english is not as good as tattlers.

Tattler is one of his lapdogs.

Anonymous said...

I knw tattler is not namdy iheme...
Cos i knw Namdy iheme's english is not as good as tattlers.

Tattler is one of his lapdogs.

Anonymous said...

tattie in da house!keep giving us info Abeg,fuck hatrz. guys Dee is Davidson chukwu check his name on Facebook,tattler is just afraid of mentioning some names here.owums why u dey fall my hand? I saw that pant few days ago but just smiled at it.Nnamdi iheme is not Otattler but we all know he's the brain behind it.

Anonymous said...

Nnamdi iheme i keep telling you that obiaku ugochukwu is the one always impersonating with your name, come to law faculty and kill that girl or at least pour acid on her, its too much fot that fat fool.

Chike said...

Shut 4 da hell up Bookie koligs or whateva u call urself. U are jst a small bitch who is trying to get 2 d standard of ur friends who u are obviously jealous of. Grow up BITCH cuz nt all fingers are equal.

Anonymous said...

like it or not, efizzy is d best dressed girl/boy eva! boiz in owerri should calm down and copy her pattern of dressing! maybe den ur g.friends wont be tapping themselves and gigglin wen shes passin! dont worry, im a boy sooooo...........otattler jst stop beefing her!

Anonymous said...

nnamdy hems says.....
efizzy......ur baffs 2 gbaski. o-town boiz r just not up 2 d task wiv ur swag! if u wear t.m lewin ties, put ur hands up! i know of only one.....efizzy! pls do urself a fav, chk d collar of her shirts nytime u see her.....i even saw her wearing a burberry london snickers!!!! damn!!! who does dat? i tink efizzy jst wants 2 school us on how 2 dress. she has swag! hate it or love it! ahhhh......she's tite jooo!!!

J. said...

Yeah, she must be tyt, cos it's usually dick dat loosens things up & she ain't gettin none. I'm her friend & I know...

Anonymous said...

Otattler...duhhhhh. I av neva seen efizy wearina a bandana,..so wer did u get dt crap gist frm. Efizy,plz school dem otown boyz,wearing fakeass shirtz frm skin n shorty... Ur dress'sense is very sensible.

yougottaloveagoodblog said...

your blogspot has finallly deserved a comment from me,lovely lovely lovely ,u sound more like a blogger now than a hater,i see u r a good writer big ups to u..love it

Me said...

leave Efizzy the fuck alone.

Anonymous said...

Otattler take am easy oh. Its funny how these ppl dnt no its u. Anyways il tel u wen i c u bt u nid 2 soft pedal. And all of u dat call urslves names shamelessly, u guyz/grls r jst sorry cases. U ppl r popular 2 ur caliber 4 d wrng reasons... U can do beta dan dis n b tlkd abt on otattler 4 d right reasons.

Anonymous said...

OWERRI!!!!!!!!!!! AH! Una no get job. d guys r either yahoo n d girls prostitutes. n dts d reason u hav too much tym 2 com here n talk plenty. OWERRI GUYS N GIRLS try being civil abeg

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